The Top 25 Xbox Games To-Date (P.J.) -- Part 3

Disclaimer: These are ONLY games I have played. I realize that there are many great games out there which I have not played.

14. Soulcalibur IV

Reason: I don't really care what other fighting-game whores say, Soulcalibur IV consistently is the most fun to play with a bunch of friends. Possibly the best part about SC4 is the addition of Star Wars characters to the game, the most interesting of note being the Secret Apprentice from The Force Unleashed. Going VS against any other Corps member continually proves to be timeless and is ALWAYS a safe bet for some heavy one on one beatdowns.

Why it's not ranked higher: The online multiplayer is simply brutal, it's basically as bad as UFC 2009 in terms of lagginess. I tried playing it over and over again but it sucked worse with each additional time I played. Plus, the people that play online are incredibly cheap and no fun to spar with. And concerning the single player, it's way too easy and not much of a challenge once you figure out the character you fight best with and the incredible ease at ringing people out.

"OH SHIT" moment: Getting a Critical Finish for the first time and just watching your player RAPE your opponent in a flurry of ridiculous moves

13. Burnout Paradise

Reason: My favorite racing game... ever. It's not a sim in the same vein as Forza or Gran Tourismo, but it's a hell of a lot more fun. Burnout has always been known for over-the-top crash sequences and Paradise definitely delivers. As you collide into oncoming traffic, a barricade in the road, or get bumped off the road into a billboard by an enemy passer-by every crash is awesome to witness and is beautifully detailed. Once the higher levels are reached, your car is going so wickedly fast it's almost impossible to navigate a race or other challenge from start to finish without some kind of huge rape-fest between several cars. Simply put, the game is just pure fun and adrenaline.

Why it's not ranked higher: While Burnout is a very good game, it doesn't meet the caliber of greatness to move it any higher in the rankings. There's nothing really wrong with it especially with a significant level of free after-market support from EA, but I suppose it gets somewhat repetitive once you really get to know the city and all the shortcuts.

"OH SHIT" moment: Road Rage challenge on the highway, going 140+ mph and colliding with an oncoming car, flying off the highway, crashing through a billboard, then landing on a bus. Win.

12. Batman: Arkham Asylum

Reason: Arkham Asylum really delivers on one simple premise, this game takes Batman at his core and really lets the player experience the classic traits and attributes of Batman, particularly his detective work. Although the Batvision mode (forgot what it's called) tends to make the game a little too easy at times and spoils some of the fun that could have been had figuring out puzzles, it doesn't detract enough to be a serious concern. A very large focus on stealth reminds us that Batman isn't invincible and relies on the predator-prey tactics we're familiar with from the comics or Batman Begins. Being Batman has never been so awesome.

Why it's not ranked higher: While I didn't play on the hardest difficulty, the game was still fairly easy and as I mentioned before, I didn't really have a problem with any of the puzzles. I also got kind of sick of some of the art direction; while I appreciate it being more comic-influenced than realism-influenced, I just was not a fan of the way some of the enemies looked.

"OH SHIT" moment: Fighting, rather, running away, from Killer Croc in the sewers

11. Gears of War 2

Reason: Gears of War 2's gameplay isn't all that different than the first title in the series, but it is refined and upgraded enough to be noted. I remember at the time, one of the big tech demos was seeing reflections in the water (which at this point isn't such a huge deal, but a couple years ago it was). The plot wasn't all that bad and focused more on the characters of Gears of War rather than the cookie cutter alien invasion plot. Horde mode was a fantastic gametype and is the mainstream predecessor to ODST's Firefight mode or Bad Company 2's Onslaught mode (and countless others). More weapons were added to your inventory in Gears 2, as well as fan favorites making second appearances. Again, the main selling point for the campaign is the co-op playability, and Gears of War remains the best co-op series to-date.

Why it's not ranked higher: I never really got into the multiplayer. It's not bad and I had fun with it, but I found myself swapping the disc out for Call of Duty 4 more often than not.

"OH SHIT" moment: When you're chainsawing your way out of the inside of some giant monster, and cutting open its heart and the blood pouring out and yada yada yada.... totally gory, bloody, and awesome.

10. Assassin's Creed

Reason: This was a total sleeper hit for Ubisoft, and a game I was rather fond of. I think I played through the game three times and loved it each time. The cities were beautifully constructed and each had its own personality, in a sense, and climbing to the top of the tallest buildings and staring out at the rest of the city was a visual treat. I don't know if others share my opinion, but I was pretty engaged by the plot and was really pissed off at the end of the game with the giant cliffhanger ending. This is a beautiful game and should be played at least once by everyone simply to appreciate the detail into the landscapes, cities, and buildings.

Why it's not ranked higher: Assassin's Creed got crazy repetitive after, say... the first hour or so. You found yourself doing the same thing over and over again with vary little variety. Definitely a big slash against the game and one that detracted many people away from playing all the way through.

"OH SHIT" moment: Performing a perfect assassination for the first time and feeling like a champ

The Top 25 Xbox Games To-Date (P.J.) -- Part 2

Disclaimer: These are ONLY games I have played. I realize that there are many great games out there which I have not played.

19. X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Reason: This game was *brutally* fun; it was everything the movie should have been. Playing as Wolverine as a true-to-the-comics Wolverine was totally badass. Being able to leap across at some rifleman and impale him with your claws, or get into a fight with a shotgun-wielding dude only to turn it back on him and fire off a round into their face. The quicktime events were badass, and some of the cinematic sequences were so bloody and gory I couldn't help but love it. Seriously, stabbing a guy in the torso and then RIPPING HIM IN HALF has never been so gratifying.

Why it's not ranked higher: While the gameplay was polished and well-done, it's still not too much of a step away from other action games in that genre. The campaign was fun, but there isn't really a need to play it twice other than some meaningless unlockables.

"OH SHIT" moment: Leaping from jeep to jeep driving away from an approaching tidal wave from an underground dam, and systematically SHREDDING the enemies into bits.

18. Gears of War

Reason: This was the "what multiplayer game do I play while I wait for Halo 3?" game, and it turned out to be the first of a slew of third person shooters on the next gen systems. The cover system was intuitive and well-thought out, and I never really felt like I was "sticking" to something unnecessary or in an odd way. Some new weapons introduced interesting multiplayer game mechanics like the Hammer of Dawn and the torquebow (which influence a ridiculous amount of games these days) made the multi a fresh experience. The plot was pretty decent, but a bit generic in a "Save the world" kind of way, but that's pretty much what every game is about anyways. I've never actually beaten a Gears of War game playing by myself, I've always done co-op, and Gears is definitely tailored to be a co-op experience (always a bonus in my book),

Why it's not ranked higher: Another one of those games that use 2-3 colors: brown, gray... and red (for the blood). And while as much as I like apocalyptic aliens ruining my planet and having to fight back, I can only take so much of that genre. Marcus isn't a very developed hero and suffers from the typical "total badass that grunts a lot" syndrome. When your supporting character has more depth than the lead, something isn't right.

"OH SHIT" moment: Chainsawing someone in the face for the very first time.... DAMN!

17. Halo: ODST

Reason: I'm expecting a lot of shit for this. Honestly, I liked the campaign far more than Halo 2 or 3, which were essentially the campaign of Halo 1 but repeated with more Halos or some other stupid detail to milk the franchise. ODST, however, puts you in the boots of a spec ops soldier without all the ridiculous capacity for killing that Chief had. I know that realism isn't what Bungie is striving for, and I certainly don't look for realism as the chief factor of a game's quality, but I did appreciate having to use my resources more carefully and even avoid fights I know I probably couldn't win. The interarcing character levels were a neat puzzle that brought some personality to ODST, and the voice acting was exceptional (Nathan Fillion, Tricia Helfer, etc.)

Why it's not ranked higher: It's the same multiplayer as Halo 3 with Horde mode from Gears of War 2, and the campaign can be beaten in less than 10 hours (I think I beat it in 8)... so it really should have been an expansion to Halo 3 instead of a standalone title. And honestly, the gameplay is just Master Chief with some handicaps put on.

"OH SHIT" moment: I can't really remember one, honestly. Maybe getting owned by a Brute the first time after owning them as Chief in previous games.

16. Darksiders

Reason: Essentially, Darksiders is a blend of Zelda and God of War. There's combat which is really relegated to just two buttons (and then holding down a trigger for some special powers) and A LOT of puzzles. However, none of the puzzles are incredibly difficult and I only had one frustrating experience with them... but I eventually figured it out after about 20 minutes. The story is pretty predictable and kind of interesting if you're into Revelations from the bible or any of that religious apocalyptic (this word is coming up a lot) stuff. However, the art for this game is fantastic and very well-conceived. I really enjoyed this game and the different quirks it kept throwing as it progressed. You don't unlock all your tools and weapons for puzzle solving within the first two hours of the game, it's a constant upgrading mentality that kept the game fresh the whole time which was very nice.

Why it's not ranked higher: Darksiders didn't really bring anything NEW to the genres it was smashing together, it just took the best bits of them and came up with its own story. Also, the screen tearing could get pretty awful at times, but when I was about halfway through the game THQ put a patch out that appeared to fix the majority of it, so problem solved.

"OH SHIT" moment: I don't remember at what point in the game this was, but there was a boss where you're jumping around all over him legolas style and you just fucking stab him everywhere and then finally end in a decapitation, and it all looks really good.

15. Battlefield 1943

Reason: If there was ONE arcade game from XBLA that people should have bought, this was it. It's not "Battlefield 1942 stripped down", it's seriously the full Battlefield experience. The maps are, as Battlefield's always are, quite large and full of vehicles. I personally thought flying the fighter planes was the most fun; strafing any bases and dropping bombs was very cool... and then the next moment you're in a dog fight with an enemy... also very cool (there's even a game mode JUST for dogfights.) There's three classes to choose from, and they're pretty rock-paper-scissors and seemed well-balanced for the amount of time I played it (I logged in over 200 matches). All in all, a very quality multiplayer experience for only $15 I think it was at the time I bought it.

Why it's not ranked higher: There's no single player campaign (although that wasn't a surprise), and there's only three maps for the land battles. However, they are not symmetric so really there's more like six maps, three for each team. Also, other than dogfight game mode, there's only the standard "Conquest" gametype, capture bases and hold on to them as long as you can.

"OH SHIT" moment: Trying to escape from an enemy fighter plane on your tail, then pulling a Will Smith from Independence Day by flying between two buildings at the perfect angle, and the guy chasing you collides with one and blows up. What a nub.

The Top 25 Xbox Games To-Date (P.J.) -- Part 1

Disclaimer: These are ONLY games I have played. I realize that there are many great games out there which I have not played.

25. Grand Theft Auto IV

Reason: Am I the only person who wasn't completely blown away by this game? I guess I just got a little irritated of Liberty City and its clones and the cookie-cutter story of low-life-guy-with-problems-working-his-way-up-the-ranks-of-crime-world. It was fun, yeah, but I didn't really get anything out of it. And please, DJ, shut the fuck up.

Why it's not ranked higher: Like I said, it just didn't do much for me and didn't feel too inspired.

"OH SHIT" moment: Playing the bank heist mission taken straight out of the Al Pacino/Robert De Niro film "Heat".

24. Army of Two

Reason: Tyler and I played this game through on co-op, and it was honestly really fun. I never played it by myself so my only experience is with the co-op story mode (didn't play multiplayer either). However, we had a blast playing it. Sure the story was pretty predictable and similar to every 80s action movie out there, but I enjoyed blasting my way through enemies and the very polished co-op gameplay. From sniping together tactically to tandem parachuting info a terrorist base, Army of Two excelled at making the co-op experience actually feel cooperative instead of just two guys playing the same game at the same time.

Why it's not ranked higher: We only played through the game once and didn't really have an incentive to go back and try it again. The weapon upgrade system was pretty standard, and the "down but not out" mechanic is getting pretty old.

"OH SHIT" moment: Tyler and I yelling "BACK TO BACK!" multiple times... hahaha

23. H.A.W.X.

Reason: This is really just the Air Force junkie in me, but I've always had a soft spot for arcade flight sims. What really made this game standout was the dogfighting mode by double-rapping the right trigger, which was a really cool feature and very fun to do. Typical Tom Clancy plot, but it knew its limits and stuck to the gameplay.

Why it's not ranked higher: The game ONLY had day flying; no take-offs, refuels, landings, instrument flying etc. Plus, other than dog-fighting the mode the game was pretty much identical to every other arcade flight sim up to that point.

"OH SHIT" moment: The final level, engaging 10+ enemies at once in dog-fight mode and dodging missiles left and right and somehow managing to fire off some of your own.

22. Fable II

Reason: Fable II was not the sequel to Fable we all expected. It was stripped of its charm and the co-op was a little bogus and tended to make things more complicated than simplify them. I really enjoyed the original Fable, and Fable II polished up a lot of the mechanics of combat and introduced new weapons like guns.

Why it's not ranked higher: It just felt a little lacking in some departments, and the plot didn't really engage me too much.

"OH SHIT" moment: Cheating on women constantly, then shooting them in the face if they wanted a divorce

21. Fallout 3

Reason: Another one which I'll definitely get some flak for ranking it low. I had a fun time playing this, but I really wasn't *captivated* by it like I felt I should have been. Being able to target individual body parts was definitely a cool concept and pretty well carried out, and seeing Washington D.C in rubble was well done. That said, the game looks pretty, but post-apocalyptic city only entertains me for so long.

Why it's not rated higher: I think only two colors were actually used to make this game: gray and brown.

"OH SHIT" moment: Seeing the giant robot walker (forget his name) tear up your enemies on the final mission stretch.

20. Prince of Persia

Reason: This is possibly one of the most entertaining platformers I've played to date. You can't die, which a lot of people didn't like but I found actually helped speed up the game. Instead of waiting to respawn and start far back on some distant checkpoint, you're basically put right where you last solid surface you jumped from. The combat was extremely combo-focused, which I also didn't mind. The cel-shaded look of the game was very unique and was basically like looking at a pastel painting the entire game, an effect I rather enjoyed.

Why it's not ranked higher: The ending sucked, and you have to drop some serious cash for DLC to actually see what happens to the two characters at the end of the game. A bogus marketing move.

"OH SHIT" moment: Getting the achievement for getting a 20+ combo and just watching the animations for the combat, totally awesome.

So Zach Galifianakis hosted SNL not too long ago…

…and man, it was quite sad. It went from him doing a great monologue (which was basically his stand up routine) to what SNL is normally: a bunch of stupid skits that drag on way too long. Really SNL writers? A 6+ minute skit just involving a family that makes out with each other? Okay how about this, a 4+ minute skit on a couple in a hotel who’s only interested in the bidet. I won’t bother mentioning any of the other skits, because they weren’t as stupid premises carried out even worse, they were skits making fun of events that were just carried out poorly. For instance, SNL’s take on CNN’s situation room where they go to college campuses to get their input on some stupid topic, and guess what? The college student’s responses are incredibly stupid and cliche’s of college life. look there! It’s a picture of a guy’s penis next to another guy’s face that they sent into CNN! How hysterical! Weekend Update was pretty good to give them credit, but it was hard to tolerate when you deviated from “updating” us from random news bits that you wrote jokes about to a stupid song about women’s history month.

To quote Zach from his monologue, you said you didn’t know what you were doing there on SNL, and neither do I. I was shocked when I heard that you were going to host SNL a month or so ago, and I had my doubts, mainly because it was SNL and it wasn’t really be your work that I’ve grown to adore for many years: your stand up and more recently your great performance in an underrated and one of my favorite films, Visioneers.

I greatly admire your success in the Hangover Zach and am incredibly happy for you. In my opinion (and many others) you carried that film and are the sole reason it was so successful. I just hope that that success doesn’t get you to do work with or anything like SNL again, because even the scenes you were in were either mediocre or incredibly stupid and unfunny. Don’t even make me talk about Bored to Death. The only reason i watched that shit was because of you, and the only time I recall laughing was when jason schwartzmann was not in the scene and it was just you and Ted Danson smoking weed.

Although I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to just do TV shows and movies from now on, I will always hope to catch you doing stand up again. You were and still are my favorite living comedian, but please, never do SNL again.

-vbearsays

Link to Original Blog Post

Bioshock II CE

This is my first post here on the man corps blog site. I am vbearsays (or as this site has me, my online alias pcq stevenson). I've never used this blogsite before, and have a somewhat established blog at vbearsays.tumblr.com I'll most likely be rebloging my stuff from there onto here as if it fits.




So I beat Bioshock II, and it only took me the weekend. I couldn't have played it for more than 16 hours (if that), and I didn't come close to dying once. I'm not trying to sound cocky or anything, but come on.

**Caution: May contain subtle spoilers. Not intended**

As far as plot goes, it sort of seemed like they were trying to justify a second by all the audiotapes you find in the beginning, so the sequel made sense. After that however, the plot was pretty bad ass. I kind of hoped that when you met your buddy Sinclair, that you'd actually be able to do stuff with him, and he wouldn't just be chilling out of frame talking to you every once in a while, but at least they didn't make him like Frank Fontaine from the first. I thoroughly enjoyed the ending however. Nonetheless, I'll have to replay the first (most likely on difficult, when I'm bored) in order to be 100% on how the plot flowed from the first to the second.

Gameplay was definitely par from the first. Like I said in the beginning, I didn't come close to dying once on Medium difficulty, and although the epic battle/boss fights were a bit difficult, they weren't as nearly challenging for me as the first. Definitely should've started on Hard so the game would've lasted longer than the weekend consisting of two-three solid 3+ hour sittings. What made the gameplay par was the updated plasmids are pretty fucking sweet, although I didn't use them all; and the sheer amount of tonics that you can not only buy but can use (I believe you can use like 20 or 30 at once).

I haven't tried the online expirience yet, and I'm a bit curious on how that whole thing is. To be honest I was thrown off when I heard that it was going to have an online multiplayer aspect as well.

Anyways, for the Collecter's/Special Edition. The box itself is pretty fucking sweet; feels and smells sexy. The score for the first on vinyl is amazing (i'm a sucker for vinyl, it's my preferred medium of music/comedy. fuck itunes), and the composer's little story on the back is pretty neat. The posters I'm definitely going to hang up and frame, those posters and the vinyl is the main reason i paid the extra $40 for the CE. I was shocked for how much effort they put into the art book; I'm not one to go to museums and look at art pieces for more than 5 minutes, but some of the art in there is pretty nice. 168 pages of bioshock art will satisfy me anytime, even if i look at it only once or twice.

Other than that if you enjoyed the Original Bioshock, I would recommend buying the sequel. If not now, in a month or two or whenever you can get it for $50. I personally don't regret buying the CE at all, but I could see how some people would, especially when i beat it in two days.

Stand-up Comedy: Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari's Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening is one of the more hilarious Comedy Central specials in the past few months. While I loved Nick Swardson's Who Farted? a lot, Ansari manages to top it in both hilarity, stage presence, and original content. Every joke he makes is instantly relatable, whether he jokes about abusing his cousin over facebook or any other number of incredibly funny instances in his routine.

Here's a taste: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd90oqIvtXs

The first, and second, time I watched the special I found myself laughing my ass off. Normally when I'm watching stand-up by myself... the most I do is smirk or let out a brief chuckle. With Aziz, I laughed my balls off multiple times. In addition to Aziz's normal routine he adds a solid 5-10 minutes of RAAAAAAAANDY (from Funny People, which everyone loves. Overall, I highly recommend Aziz Ansari in any capacity, he's a funny fuckin' dude.

Web Site/Ice Cream Review

Double post for my first set of reviews. The first review will be on a website that loot linked me to a while back. I figured this is the most interesting/useful link I've been given all week so it is worthy for review.

Website: http://www.nooooooooooooooo.com/

This website is awesome. It's designed in a way to help your "noooooooooooo" become epic. Now this is boring if you just play it during late hours at home. So, I decided to test run it several times to see how it'll make people react. My first test point was in anthropology class. My teacher is pretty chill chick, but gives out an assload of homework. So I decided to bring in my laptop on Wednesday to "take notes" aka browse LUElinks and talk to the Corps via AIM. It was a good 10 minutes before class was over and she assigned ~5 pages of homework to do for Monday. I was furious, and then remembered I bookmark'd the Vadar nooo page. I rushed and opened up the page and slammed on my left click to receive a load blast of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Needless to say she was shocked and asked where that came from. Half the class was silent and the other half was just looking at my general direction (I sit in the back near the door). I think they thought it came from outside because CLC has fucking weird people like that, but I got away with it.

8/10 on the funnies IMO



FUCK YEAH ICE CREAM REVIEW: Chunky Monkey

This ice cream is amazing. I really don't like Ben & Jerry's but this is an exception. The combination with Banana Ice Cream, chocolate bars and walnuts is glorious. Every bite is a bit of a foodgasm. My mom usually has to buy two of these for me because I can't stop eating once I've taken my first bite. This is definitely chubbs worthy and will satisfy any man's ice cream craving.

10/10

DLC Review: Mass Effect 2: Zaeed Masani

As part of the Mass Effect 2 launch day free DLC, I rather enjoyed everything thing that came with Zaeed's package. Zaeed Masani is essentially the Boba Fett of the Mass Effect universe; the top mercenary on the market and willing to do anything to get the job necessary. Think of him as a renegade Shepard, but about thirty years older. Zaeed's recruitment entails receiving a message from the Illusive Man to visit the Omega, as he's arranged for Zaeed and Shepard to meet. After a quick conversation and a first glimpse into Zaeed's ruthlessness, he joins your crew.

Starting off with the Concussion Blast and Incendiary Ammo, as well as skill in both the Assault Rifle and Sniper Rifle, Zaeed is pretty handy in a firefight if you need a badass gladiator-type guy to tear it up. I prefer him over Grunt both as a character and a party member, as Grunt seemed a little too shallow for me as a personality. Zaeed's deep history with the Blue Suns plays into some major plot points of Mass Effect 2, and I highly recommend trying him out on missions involved with the mercenary group.

Zaeed's loyalty mission, to my astonishment, was actually one of the most enjoyable to play from a combat situation as well as one of the more morally ambiguous decisions the player has to make within the game. The premise of the mission revolves around Zaeed having his revenge on the Blue Suns leader, Vido Santiago. After fighting through some Blue Sun mercs into their base, Shepard and his team face a tough decision. Without spoiling too much, Shepard is faced with either aiding Zaeed's revenge on Vido or in saving many lives. There is no gray area in this decision. However, as with any loyalty mission, a high paragon percentage is able to save the day.

During the mission Shepard acquires a flamethrower, one of the more useful of the heavy weapons in the game. I used it for a majority of my standard campaign with no regrets, so it's a nice little addition to your inventory.

BREAKDOWN:

Cost: A -- It's free! Why wouldn't you get it?

Longevity: A -- I've played the mission each time I've done a Mass Effect 2 campaign, and I don't plan on stopping. Zaeed is an interesting party member and his story is well-worth exploring.

Gameplay: B -- The mission feels shorter compared to other loyalty missions, but it's fun nonetheless.

Overall: A- -- There's no reason why every owner of ME2 should not try this out at least once. Simple.

About this Blog

This blog was created by group of friends from suburban Illinois, who eloquently title ourselves the Man Corps. The blog is dedicated to our favorite things in life and our thoughts on them, most notably sci-fi, women, video games, beer, food, movies and other little tid-bits that fill up our day. While every member very rarely share the same opinions as the rest of the other members, it is this diversity which makes us awesome.

Feel free to comment and let us know what you think.